The comedian and reality show star spills the dirt on her "liquid diet" and why everything tastes better with a chilled Emmy.

Rachael Ray: Hi, Kathy! I'm excited to talk refrigerators with you, but there's no food in there. Do you live on liquid alone?

Kathy Griffin: Yes, it does look like I live on a liquid diet -- but not the same type as my mom. She lives on boxed wine. I try to drink a lot of water, but whoever made up the eight-glasses-a-day rule must not have to pee. I'm constantly filming, so I always have a microphone pack on the back of my pants. I'd love to drink all of that water, but I just can't drop another microphone in the toilet!

RR: So all this liquid is really for show. What do you eat, then?

KG: Maybe I shouldn't be saying this, but I basically forced my assistant, Tiffany, to become my personal chef. One day she made the lethal mistake of letting me know that she could cook, and the rest is history. I'm all for getting every last bit of blood out of the stone -- it's just not enough that she files my paperwork and runs my errands.

RR: Uh-oh, big mistake. Did she make all the leftovers in there?

KG: Yes, Tiffany prepared some meals for me since I'm home shooting episodes of My Life on the D-List. She even made your Spanakopita Burgers. I'm big on the chicken-spinach combo.

RR: Those are delicious, if I may say so myself! They're healthy, too. Do you keep an eye on what you eat?

KG: My trick is to balance out indulgent days with healthy days. One day I'll eat a burger, fries and ice cream, then the next I'll have a plain burger without the bun.

RR: Considering you don't have much food in your fridge, you sure do have a lot of condiments.

KG: When food comes in, I'm ready to pour on the toppings. I love mango chutney and put it on everything. I've even considered mixing it into my cereal in the morning.

RR: Let me know how that comes out! Food and drinks aside, the most interesting things in your fridge are your Emmys. Do you keep them there to preserve their freshness?

KG: Is that weird? I think Emmys make the perfect dish -- they travel well and complement any meal. And they taste as delicious today as the day I got them.

RR: It's like the perfect wine or an all-purpose bottle of pinot grigio. And an Emmy on display makes for fabulous dinner conversation. Speaking of dinner, if you were throwing the ultimate party, who would you invite to join the table?

KG: I'd invite you, my mom and "the divas": Dolly Parton, Cher and Liza Minnelli. You'd make great food, my mom would be hammered, and the divas would be singing and dancing. Oh, and I'd invite the head of the Academy [of Television Arts & Sciences], so I can work on getting another Emmy.

Kathy's Tips for Living on the D-List

1. Prioritize. "I value my Emmys more than people, and even bring them to dinner parties. They're quite versatile, actually. I've thought about hanging calamari from the talons or using the globe as a whisk."

2. Plan ahead. "To get Rachael to cook a dinner party for me, I'd invite her as a guest and tell her she won't have to do a thing. When she walked in, I'd fake-cry and say the caterer canceled. But I'd magically have her favorite ingredients piled right on the counter."

3. Be balanced. "Life can be tough, so I don't make it more difficult by starving myself. I admit that I sometimes forget to eat because I'm mesmerized by my awards. But usually I find that avoiding certain foods, like carbs, just makes for cranky, bitter and angry people. I'm bitter enough already!"